


Not the Romantic Type

by LordValeryMimes



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Love, M/M, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3264914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordValeryMimes/pseuds/LordValeryMimes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lister writes a love song for Rimmer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Romantic Type

**Author's Note:**

> I am quite aware of how ridiculous this is. This is set sometime after series VIII, I've no idea when. It doesn't really matter, because it's ridiculous. 
> 
> Thanks to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor for creating these characters so I could make them get up to all sorts of smeg together.

"Ow! Smegging damn it!" Rimmer barked out as he rubbed at his shin. "Lister, do I really need to be blindfolded for this?" 

"Sorry," Lister apologized as he continued to half-guide, half-shove the hologram up the spiral staircase. "I didn't want to spoil the surprise."

Rimmer winced as he clipped his knee against hard metal. "The next time you get a brilliant idea like this Listy, can I at least switch to soft-light mode first?" 

"Just hang on, we're nearly there." The hobbling of Rimmer's sight seemed to enhance his hearing, as Lister's voice rang out clear and amplified. The hologram opened his eyes, trying to peer around the edges of the rough cloth blindfold, but he could see nothing but soft shapeless masses of grey. He groaned silently in frustration at the whole situation. He didn't know why he'd even agreed to this in the first place. He hated surprises. Growing up, his family's idea of a surprise was letting him know that they were all going on a skiing holiday, and he was to be the skis. But Lister had seemed so eager, and Rimmer hated to disappoint him.

"Just a few more steps alright?" Rimmer's boot-heels clapped out sharp metallic prangs as Lister guided him to a chair and told him to sit down. If the ship hadn't been floored almost entirely with metal, Rimmer might have had some sort of inkling as-to where Lister had taken him. He sniffed at the air, but the oxygen recyc-system did it's job all too well, and nearly every area of the ship smelled the same. Rimmer had no idea where he might be, or what Lister was up to, and frankly, he found the whole situation very annoying.  

"Can I take this silly thing off yet?" Rimmer grumbled.

"Keep your hair on, just give me a minute." Rimmer could hear various scuffling and scraping sounds, and he tapped his fingers against his knees in irritation as he waited.

"All right," Lister's voice murmured into Rimmer's left ear as he removed the blindfold. It took Rimmer several seconds to register where he was as his eyes adjusted. A vast glass dome arched over his head like an upturned goldfish bowl. Beyond it, he could see a massive expanse of stars, twinkling like Christmas lights. They were in the observation dome. A lump grew in Rimmer's throat as he took in the awe-inducing sight above him. How many years had it been since they'd come here together? Too long, he thought.

After lowering his gaze from the ceiling of stars, Rimmer saw Lister, sitting just a few feet away from him on one of the viewing benches. Lister had his acoustic guitar slung over his shoulder, an enigmatic look on his face. It took Rimmer a moment to place the look, and why it seemed so foreign on Lister's face. Lister was nervous, and that was a look that Rimmer saw only on very rare occasions. Once was when he'd finally gotten up the nerve to tell Rimmer that he loved him. The other time was when he'd had to tell Rimmer, that he'd accidentally set fire to his deluxe, 200th anniversary edition of Risk.

"Sorry," Lister said as he shifted the guitar around. "I'm a bit nervous," he admitted as he positioned his fingers and strummed a chord. Confusion filled Rimmer's face. Lister had played his guitar, and his teeth weren't set on edge. Something wasn't right. 

"Have you been practicing?" Rimmer queried. 

A shy smile played around the corners of Lister's mouth as he dropped his eyes to the floor. "Yeah, been watching some vids and practicing while you've been doing your shifts."

"What's the occasion?" Asked Rimmer, still feeling very perplexed. 

"Well..." Lister seemed at a loss for words and Rimmer became further agitated at the absence of his lover's usual bravado and swagger. What the smeg was going on?

"Cat running around somewhere with your vocal chords?" Rimmer regretted the quip the moment it had left his lips.

"Come off it, man. Look, we've never really had a proper anniversary or anything like that, but we've been together a long time now. And I just wanted to do something special, all right?" Lister fiddled with his guitar as he spoke, plucking a string and adjusting the tuning knobs until he was satisfied. "I've eh... I've wrote you a song."

The top of Rimmer's right eyebrow lifted, almost imperceptibly, as he digested this information. The snarling twangs of the "Ohm" song were suddenly stirred up in his mind, like dust on a shelf. His insides gurgled with an odd elixir of emotions. On the one hand, he felt flattered, and just a bit love-struck by the gesture. On the other hand, he was feeling crippled by embarrassment. What was one supposed to do when being serenaded by their lover? Rimmer felt like the first fish to crawl out of the oceans on a pair of stubby vestigial legs, as he flailed about, trying to navigate the unfamiliar terrain of being in a proper loving relationship. 

Without any better ideas springing to mind, Rimmer decided he'd better just sit, and try his best to look appreciative. He struggled to sculpt his features into something, anything other than a mask of painful, indecisive awkwardness and terror. Luckily for Rimmer, his countenance was almost always fixed with the same displeased expression, so it didn't make much difference.

Lister cleared his throat and began to strum a soft and simple tune on his guitar. It was a very basic chord progression, but the effect was gentle and quite pleasant. Rimmer found himself smiling in spite of himself, as Lister completed the opening bars of the song. His warm brown eyes fixed on Rimmer as he began to sing a slow ballad.

I was alone in space  
There was no life or sounds  
My heart went numb with sadness  
But then, you came 'round  
And we’d fight and we’d fret  
But you’d be beside me  
The hand on my arm  
While we flew through eternity  
Suddenly I see, what I couldn't see before  
I opened my eyes, and you opened the door

And the light, it shone out from your heart  
And it lit up my soul  
And now... you're the light of my life  
Light of my life  
Yeah, you're the light of my life  
Light of my life

We had our, insults and anger  
I was too daft to see  
All that I ever had wanted  
Was always, staring back at me  
But then suddenly, you're gone  
And a blade pierced my heart  
I tried so hard to be strong  
But you tore me apart  
Then you came back to stay  
And all the blackness, it melted away

You're the hero of the morning  
You keep all of my nightmares away  
And now... You're the light of my life  
Light of my life  
Yeah, you're the light of my life  
Light of my life

I'm the last man alive, it don't matter to me  
Cause I'm lookin' at you, and you're smilin' at me

Now the silence is beautiful  
The darkness fulfills me  
Because I'm sharing it with you  
There’s nowhere I’d rather be  
We don't always get on  
But I know that you care  
'Cause I see the goodness that's inside you  
And you'll always be there

You're the hand clenched in mine  
As we both fall through the shadows of space  
And you'll always be... the light of my life  
Light of my life  
Yeah, you're the light of my life  
Light of my life

The song ended with a simple strum, and Lister cleared his throat as he looked from his guitar over to Rimmer. The hologram’s mouth was set in a thin line, his eyes shiny.

“So, what did you think? I hope it wasn’t too awful, it’s been ages since I tried to write a song…” Lister trailed off as Rimmer’s chin began to tremble and thick tears slid down his cheeks.

“Oh smeg,” Lister pushed his guitar aside as he dropped to the floor in front of Rimmer. “Was it really that bad? I knew I should have practiced a few more times.”

A soppy sniffle burst from Rimmer’s cavernous nostrils as he shook his head. “No, it was… lovely.” The hologram daubed at his eyes with his sleeve and wrang his hands as he tried to regain his composure. “Nobody’s ever done anything like that for me before.”

Lister smiled in understanding as he wrapped his arms around Rimmer’s waist and hugged him gently. “I’m glad you liked it,” he said with a smile. “I knew it was a bit corny, and I thought you might just think it was a laugh. You’re not the romantic type usually.”

Rimmer rested his head against Lister’s tight brown curls and tenderly ran his fingers down the tangle of locks. “I wasn’t the romantic type because no one ever wanted to do anything romantic with me before. It made it hurt less if I pretended that I just didn’t enjoy any of those things." 

Lister took Rimmer’s face in his hands and stared into his shining hazel eyes. “Well you’ll never have to feel like that again, Rimmer. I love you, and if I could, I’d write you a million songs telling you just how much I love you.”

“I love you too Listy.” Rimmer pulled Lister to him, and the two men kissed as the universe spiraled around them silently and endlessly.

~fin~


End file.
